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    June 09

    给双鱼阿莉的信(1)

    亲爱滴双鱼阿莉:
          真是想不明白,一个你并不十分了解,且让你不断怀疑"说谎"的人,怎么会让你如此烦恼,以至夜不能寐呢?这个人的吸引力真有那么大吗?

           真正的爱情,是以平等与信任为前提的.才初初见面几次而已,却连信任感都没有,又怎么指望今后呢?偶这么说,既不是帮你指责他说谎,也不是暗示你不该对他产生怀疑,而是想提醒你认清这个状况产生的原因以及应对方法. 
          
           我们必须要承认的是,有的时候谎言是自卫的武器.或许他没有撒谎,或许他撒谎了,但无论真正的情况是什么,都指向同一个问题,那就是,要么是你,要么是他,总有一方(或者是两方?)还没有放下防备与武装.正因为如此,你对他的情感,也只是停留在"被吸引"、“好感”的程度上而已,大可不必太挂怀。假如很不幸,你通过某些无法改变的证据看清他他就是那个有着说谎本能的矬人,那么即使“失去”他,也并不会给你带来太大的精神损失。呵呵~千万不要患得患失,要相信自己,一定会遇到最合适的人啊~

           至于,你说,如何才能让他对你的好感增加,这种“技术”层面的东东,是要因人而异的。但是,无论你怎么做,首先要清楚的告诉自己,培养一段感情,需要的是两个人共同努力。剃头挑子一头热如果换不来平等的回应,起码说明对方并不尊重这段感情,你若再想比已付出的更加多做些什么,纯属徒劳无益,该放手时,就要放手。然而假如努力过了却仍然没有预料中的结果,那倒也不必后悔,因为错不在你,至少,你可以把这段努力的过程当做实习~

           其次,你的付出是要有原则的。有人说,女人先付出感情,就会变得卑微,做什么都会小心翼翼,仿佛是为爱犯了罪。把这个念头丢开吧~~什么时代了,我们才不要这种文艺腔兮兮的没有营养的感情。先对别人产生好感,并非说明你不够矜持,相反,说明你勇敢面对自己的心;面上假装冷淡,也并非意味着你掌握了主动权,往往,会让男人觉得你矫情。如你所说,你想要顺从他,想要取悦他,想要投其所好,这些不是不可以,但问题是,你得把握住尺度。有伤尊严的、令你迷失自我的过度付出,除了让人觉得你傻,你好欺负外,除了让人享用得理所当然外,除了换来一点点廉价的感动外,是换不到任何基于平等和尊重的健康的爱的。 
          
           再次,投其所好,更要别出心裁。投其所好并不难,但是做个聪明MM,要懂得充实自己的内在,另僻蹊径。.对于一个条件不算特别差的男人来说,他最后要选择你而不是别人介入他的生活,必然是你有与众不同的长处。在和他相处的时候,风花雪月衣香鬓影的罗曼蒂克倒是次要的,观察他,了解他,找出能牵动他柔软内心的东东,进而用你的善解人意来打动他,是比小女孩心目中的浪漫约会更重要的事。  
         
           亲爱滴,假如不是一见钟情,那么情场如战场,就已是不争的现实。赢得你的战场,你需要保持冷静的头脑,决断的勇气,周密策划,未雨绸缪——这可一点也不罗曼蒂克啊~~你得作好充分的心理准备。先从了解他开始,假如他真的值得你付出,那就像桃子唱的那样:“十个男人七个傻,八个呆,九个坏,还有一个人人爱;姐妹们,跳出来,就算甜言蜜语把他骗过来,好好爱,不再让他离开~~”       
                                                                                                                    水瓶荼蘼
                                                                                                                   2007.6.9           

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    Ming Zhangwrote:
    班长果然厉害
    Nov. 11

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